Kaia Gerber pays heartbreakingly raw tribute to late brother Presley: ‘I wish you hadn’t gone first’

Kaia Gerber has broken her silence nearly one month after her brother Presley died at age 27 of an accidental drug overdose.

The 25-year-old model and the late Presley are the children of supermodel Cindy Crawford, 60, and entrepreneur Rande Gerber, 64.

Presley died of a suspected overdose after going into cardiac arrest on September 20 while staying at the Santa Monica rehab facility Resolutions Living

On Sunday, the Shards actress shared home video footage of her and her older sibling from their childhood.

She captioned, ‘I love you the bluest, to the moon and back and back again, forever big brother.’

Kaia elaborated on her thoughts and feelings in a letter addressed to her sibling and shared in the carousel post.

Kaia Gerber has broken her silence nearly one month after her brother Presley died at age 27 of an accidental drug overdose; pictured on September 13

The 25-year-old model and the late Presley are the children of supermodel Cindy Crawford, 60, and entrepreneur Rande Gerber, 64; pictured in May

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It came shortly after her mom shared her own statement online on behalf of the family. 

Kaia’s devastated missive began: ‘prez, i don’t have the words. and maybe the tiny mercy is that we didn’t need them all along. words fail and words subtract and words summarize and words always lack truth. and how naive of me to believe that language could transcend grief.

‘i’ve read all of the books and i have none of the answers. my articulation is no match against this, the magnitude of losing you.

‘i am, quite literally, down on my f***ing knees.

‘you know how much i loved being your sister. it has always been, and will forever be, my favorite thing about myself. i came into this world with a white-knuckle grip around you. i had more love for you than i knew what to do with. and now that it has nowhere obvious to go, i’m certain it’s going to swallow me whole.’

The heart-wrenching note went on, ‘you believed – always believed – in people. you met cruelty not with anger, but with confusion. and curiosity.

‘you believed people were inherently good because, presley, you are inherently good.

‘and somehow, through all of it, i got to be your sister, your lucky eternal witness, watching you do the most hard-core, heavy metal thing anyone can do: you stayed soft.’

She gushed, ‘you were my ultimate teacher while you were here, and now i’m left wondering what i could possibly be taught in your absence.

‘and i keep thinking about how when we were little, i got scared before getting my ears pierced, so you went first.’

On Sunday, the Shards actress shared home video footage of her and her older sibling from their childhood

Kaia elaborated on her thoughts and feelings in a letter addressed to her sibling and shared in the carousel post. Her devastated missive began, ‘prez, i don’t have the words. and maybe the tiny mercy is that we didn’t need them all along’

‘i’ve read all of the books and i have none of the answers. my articulation is no match against this, the magnitude of losing you,’ she wrote to her brother. She gushed, ‘you were my ultimate teacher while you were here, and now i’m left wondering what i could possibly be taught in your absence’

Kaia continued, ‘you always went first. but when i held the earring they took from your body, all i could think was: that belongs to you. and i really f***ing wish you hadn’t gone first this time.

‘one of the last things you wrote about was a dream you had where animals were running from a fire into a lake. you wondered, “if fear makes type of animal not matter.”

‘you left me with the answer. whatever kind of animal i was before this doesn’t matter anymore. to say loving you was the easiest thing in the world would imply that it required any effort at all. i was born loving you. i will die loving you. there was never anything else.

Kaia continued with the heartbreaking post by saying she is trying to figure out how to love her brother without him being there physically before citing American theoretical physicist Richard Feynman’s take on grief. 

She wrote: ‘i am learning how to love you when i cannot see you. how to tell you something without picking up my phone to call you. how to be your sister in a world that i can’t reach for you in.

‘i don’t know how to do that yet. you missed our date. i forgive you. keep a place for me in the meantime. because, presley, even knowing where it ends, i would choose it all over again. every second. i would walk knowingly toward this grief if it meant that on the other side of it i got to be your sister.

‘richard feynman once wrote to his wife after she died, “you, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive. my darling wife, i do adore you. i love my wife. my wife is dead.”

‘give me the whole impossible bargain. give me every year with you and then give me this.’

The brother and sister pictured in October 2015

Presley died of a suspected overdose after going into cardiac arrest on September 20 while staying at the Santa Monica rehab facility Resolutions Living

Kaia concluded her beautiful and heart-wrenching message as raw as it began as she said: ‘alright. i’ll take it. my darling brother, i do adore you. i love my brother. my brother is dead. and this party sucks so bad without you, prez.

‘my best buddy, my great protector, the hardest i’ve ever laughed and the one true love of my life – you lit all of my candles and took all of my monsters away.

‘and i love you. and i love you. and i love you. only you know how much. thank you for being here.’

The post was soundtracked by the Jake Minch song First I Was. 

The mourning sister added, ‘p.s. this song is the last thing we talked about. first you were. you always went first.’

Presley died of a suspected overdose after going into cardiac arrest on September 20 while staying at the Santa Monica rehab facility Resolutions Living. He was 27.

On Sunday, Crawford and Gerber issued a joint statement shared on Instagram in which they said that they are ‘beyond heartbroken.’ 

Crawford posted a black and white photo of her only son with the caption: ‘Presley Walker Gerber July 2, 1999-September 20, 2026. We are beyond heartbroken to lose our beloved son and brother.

Kaia’s video showed her and her beloved brother dancing at home as kiddos

On Sunday, Crawford and Gerber issued a joint statement shared on Instagram in which they said that they are ‘beyond heartbroken’

We feel so blessed to have had Presley in our lives for 27 years. He is a sweet, beautiful soul who loved and is loved, now and forever. We are so proud of how he showed up in the world, with kindness and vulnerability.’

The statement continued: ‘We are grateful for the outpouring of love and support from so many who know and love our family and even strangers who feel our pain. Til we meet again our sweet boy. We love you forever, Mom, Dad and Kaia.’

Presley had checked into the Santa Monica facility Resolutions Living the day before he was found dead on September 20. 

In footage obtained by TMZ from the night before he died, the model was seen giving a solo tour of the sober home while wearing a white undershirt that showed off his prominent tattoos, a silver chain necklace and a pair of black eyeglasses. 

Presley appeared to be under the influence in the clip, taken around 10pm, as he stared into the camera with noticeably glazed eyes. Throughout the video, he panned the camera around a bedroom and multiple areas of the residence.

Presley reportedly ‘got high’ on Saturday afternoon and became concerned he was losing control, insiders claimed to TMZ. His sober coach had called the living facility and asked if he could bring Presley in – though he made it clear that Presley was high on drugs – and the facility’s admissions officer reportedly agreed, the outlet reported.

The sober coach had reportedly planned to take Presley to a rehab facility the following Monday but needed a temporary hold for the weekend and subsequently left him at Resolutions Living, according to insiders. Sources claimed that Presley continued using drugs inside the sober home.

A final confirmation of any substances that may have played a role in his death will be revealed upon the release of the Medical Examiner’s toxicology report. 

His remains were ‘cremated‘ just days after his passing at the Rose Family Funeral Home, per a death certificate obtained by TMZ. Crawford and Gerber will reportedly keep their son’s ashes at their residence.

Presley, 27, died of a suspected overdose after going into cardiac arrest on September 20 while staying at the Santa Monica rehab facility Resolutions Living. Above, in January in Los Angeles

The model had been open about his decade-long struggle with drug addiction and mental health problems before his death. Image source: Instagram/@presleygerber

The Daily Mail previously obtained audio of the 911 emergency dispatch call made from the Santa Monica rehab, in which an automated voice could be heard saying ‘cardiac arrest’ followed by ‘overdose.’

The first call was made on Sunday, September 20 at 9.35am regarding a cardiac arrest, however, just three minutes later it was upgraded to an ‘overdose,’ then finally at 9.40am the priority was upped once again as it was ‘upgraded.’

Presley, who started modeling from a young age like his sister, had been open about his decade-long struggle with drug addiction and mental health problems before his death. 

Last November, Presley revealed he had taken a step back from social media to ‘take care of my own mental health for a bit.’

One month later, he opened up about his personal life in a candid social media video and started sharing ‘Mental Health Mondays’ videos on his Instagram. In one, he listed the medication he takes for ‘night terrors’ and ‘panic attacks,’ saying his use of medication had been ‘fluctuating up and down depending on what’s been going on in my life.’

Earlier this year, he posted about having a ‘Pre-ibogaine flood dose’ at a Mexican treatment clinic, a single, high-dose administration of the naturally occurring psychoactive substance ibogaine that is reported to help with withdrawal symptoms. The high dose is designed to induce a profound ‘reset.’

Presley’s death came just weeks after his sister Kaia spoke about the enormous toll her brother’s struggles had taken on their famous family. Above, in May 2017

Presley’s parents and his sister Kaia praised him for his ‘courage’ in response to his post about starting the treatment in March.

Crawford commented: ‘You are a warrior! Walked thru the fire to find yourself! So proud!’ while Kaia added: ‘That’s my brother I am so damn proud.’

And Kaia wrote: ‘I’m so proud of you and your courage. Facing what’s hard takes real strength and watching you find your way back to yourself is everything. I love you so much.’

Presley’s death came just weeks after Kaia opened up about the enormous toll her brother’s struggles had taken on their famous family.

‘When something like that happens in a family, it kind of levels everyone,’ Kaia told Vogue.

But for all the concerns for Kaia, our source said: ‘Kaia has not had it easy in her 25 years, but she will hang in there, she is a very strong person.’

The Daily Mail has reached out to representatives for Kaia and Crawford for comment.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns, you can also visit 988lifeline.org. You can also call, text or chat with a counselor by texting 988.

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