dates from hell. Maybe your date made you uncomfortable by talking about sex first thing. Or had super bad breath. Or showed up three hours late. But would you share your worst date stories with millions of people on social media?
Plenty of TikTok users spill all their dating gossip – one of the hashtags associated with the trend (#datinghorrorstory) has 73.9 million views on the platform – and do so casually while in the middle of routine tasks like applying makeup.
There’s nothing wrong with getting a story off your bad-date-burdened chest, but beware of dwelling on the negative so much.
That’s easier said than done of course. In today’s social media age, relatability is currency. “When you share something difficult or horrifying and others respond, validating your experience and reactions through likes, ‘OMG’ comments, reposts or reactions and similar stories, it contributes to a greater sense of belonging,” says Miranda Nadeau, licensed psychologist.
mental health professionals proselytizing the benefits of mindfulness and intention when dating. But people also just want to vent.
“It can feel freeing to share your story with others, lightening the weight of the dating mishaps that could otherwise continue to bother you,” Nadeau says. “Just getting something out of your mind into media, whether through social media or journaling, helps you to not be so burdened by it.”
Discussing a crummy experience with some shades of humor could also just be part of someone’s healing process, and a way to feel less alone. “Maybe they’re trying to create levity about the situation so that they can keep dating,” says Moe Ari Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
People are clearly drawn to a bad date story, whether that’s because of second-hand embarrassment or because they can relate to one themselves. In their real lives, people may be less inclined to share bad date stories and mostly keep their friends posted on the good ones. Social media – and the rising number of adults seeking mental health treatment – has helped normalize all kinds of experiences.
“A lot more people are in therapy now than ever before, and are really working through some stuff that maybe gives them more of the tools to talk about some of the things that they’re going through, including the more challenging stuff,” says psychotherapist Madison McCullough.
Be careful, though, to not gather all your dating advice from messy TikToks. “It is important to stay aware of how the kind of content you’re consuming could impact your perspective and impression in a generalizing way that’s maybe lacking some nuance,” McCullough adds.
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