Duchess Meghan, Cuomo’s accuser, and why suicide is not a personal problem

Meghan’s disclosures on Oprah Winfrey’s CBS’s special Sunday night, this was among the most revelatory, a powerful example of how external environments can impact internal well-being.

After the airing, Lindsey Boylan, a former aide for New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo and one of several women who has accused him of sexual misconduct, said “I was there too. I did not want to be alive. … Abuse environments harm so many.”

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“What is very powerful about Meghan Markle coming forward in this way, is it really cues us into the fact that there’s a lot within an individual’s experience outside of themselves that shapes these issues and challenges,” said Laura Palumbo, communications director at the National Sexual Violence Resource Center and an expert on how trauma impacts mental health.

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Meghan said when she asked for in-patient care for her suicidal thoughts, she was told it “wouldn’t be good for the institution.”

“They were letting these invalidating things happen to her even when she was compliant, which makes you think it’s your fault, makes you think if you just act differently you can protect yourself,” said April Foreman, a licensed psychologist and a member of the American Association of Suicidology’s board of directors. “But both Harry and Meghan said nothing they did made it better or worse, except when she broke the environmental rules to save herself. When you have to break the social system’s rules to be safe and well and healthy, something is wrong with the environment.”

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Boylan is no royal, and yet in her tweet she said she could relate. In her post on Medium about the abuse she says she suffered in Cuomo’s office, she wrote that the governor “created a culture within his administration where sexual harassment and bullying is so pervasive that it is not only condoned but expected. … He used intimidation to silence his critics. And if you dared to speak up, you would face consequences.”

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Experiences of harassment, assault and abuse increase a person’s risk for long and short-term mental health issues, including suicide, Palumbo said. Trauma increases suicide risk, and people who’ve experienced sexual assault are 10 times more likely to attempt suicide than those who haven’t, according to a study by the National Victim Center and Medical University of South Carolina. 

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“What creates the conditions for mental health issues to really be amplified for people is when … there is such a strong cultural message that what you’re struggling with is not OK to talk about, ” Palumbo said.

The risk of making suicide a personal problem

While thousands of people die by suicide each year, millions think about it. In 2019, 12 million American adults seriously thought about suicide, 3.5 million planned an attempt, and 1.4 million actually attempted, according to the Centers for Disease and Control and Prevention, which in a 2018 report noted life stressors contribute to suicide.

When people make suicide a personal problem, experts say, there is no impetus for cultures or institutions to change. Duchess Meghan remains a weak outsider who could not do the job many other royal women have done without public complaint. Boylan becomes another woman who overreacted. 

“Rather than believing women, which requires actually listening to them and affirming their experiences, individuals and institutions so often respond by silencing them,” Palumbo said. 

Foreman said Meghan’s experience with suicidal thoughts is not remarkable, but her public disclosure was. The fear she felt having suicidal thoughts, the worry she would become a burden to Harry, the shame she says she felt as she eventually disclosed – these are common feelings for people struggling with suicidal ideation. Foreman said the lengths she went through to survive tell us something important. 

“She took incredibly drastic steps to save her own life” Foreman said. “Being suicidal doesn’t mean you don’t want to live. We can step up our understanding of these things. We have to.” 

Mental health resources

For pandemic-specific mental health resources, head to covidmentalhealthsupport.org.

If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online.

Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.

For people who identify as LGBTQ, if you or someone you know is feeling hopeless or suicidal, you can also contact The Trevor Project’s TrevorLifeline 24/7/365 at 1-866-488-7386.

The Trans Lifeline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers.

You may also be interested in: 

• Suicide prevention experts: What you say (and don’t say) could save a person’s life
• Suicide prevention: Self-care tips, true stories on how survivors cope
• We tell suicidal people to go to therapy. So why are therapists rarely trained in suicide
• How to find a therapist if you’re suicidal
• Funding for suicide lags behind other top killers

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