150 Halloween jokes the whole family will love for spooky season

Halloween is a time for tricks and treats, and that includes a few laughs. Whether you want to include a witty caption for your gourd-geous Instagram photo or have a few jokes up your sleeve for trick or treaters, there are just too many spooky side-ticklers to choose from.

We’ve compiled an extensive list of the funniest puns, one-liners and knock-knock jokes for October that’ll help you put the “ha” in Halloween.

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Halloween witch jokes

• What happened to the badly behaved witch at school? She was ex-spelled.
• Why don’t witches wear flat caps? There’s no point in it. 
• What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a billionaire? A very witch person.
• Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
• Why is a witch like a candle? They’re both wicked to the core.
• Have you seen the twin witches? I can’t tell witch is witch!
• What did the witch do when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked home.
• What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
• What do you call two witches in a haunted house? Broommates.
• What do you call a witch that lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
• What do you learn at witch school? Spelling.
• Why couldn’t the little witch read her spellbook? It was written in curse-ive.
• What does a witch like to read in the newspaper? Her horror scope.
• What sound do witches’ cereals make? Snap, cackle and pop.
• Have you heard about the poor witch who became a millionaire? It was a rags to witches story.
• How do witches play loud music? On their broom boxes.
• What does a little witch use to bake? An easy bake coven.
• What do you call a witch’s spotless garage? A broom closet.
• What do witches’ cats eat for breakfast? Mice crispies. 

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Halloween skeleton jokes

• Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
• How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.
• Why don’t skeletons play music at church? They don’t have any organs.
• Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
• What type of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
• What do skeletons say before eating? Bone appetite.
• What instruments do skeletons play? Trom-bone.
• Why did the skeleton quit playing football? His heart wasn’t in it.
• What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend? Will you marrow me?
• Did you hear about the skeleton who went to the hospital? He ate a jawbreaker.
• What do you give a skeleton who is trick or treating? Spare ribs.
• Why don’t skeletons like to go out in the winter? The cold goes right through them.
• How does an angry skeleton confront his friend? I’ve got a bone to pick with you!
• Why did the skeleton climb a tree? A dog was after his bones.
• Why didn’t the skeleton use a towel after he took a shower? He was already bone dry.

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Halloween ghost jokes

• What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
• What did they say about the girl who married a ghost? I don’t know what possessed her!
• What did ghosts drink at the party? Ghoul-aid.
• Who protects the shores where spirits live? The Ghost Guard.
• Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn’t have a haunting license.
• Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
• What’s a ghost’s favorite vacation spot? Lake Eerie.
• What medicine do ghosts take when they have a cold? Coffin drops.
• Why are ghosts cowards? They’ve got no guts.
• What’s a ghost’s favorite song? America the Boo-tiful.
• What’s a ghost’s favorite kind of street? A dead end.
• What do baby ghosts drink? Evaporated milk.
• Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to “The Other Side.”
• How do ghosts stay fit? They keep up with regular exorcise.
• Why aren’t ghosts popular at parties? They’re not much to look at.
• What is a little ghost’s favorite toy? Boo-merangs.
• What is a ghost’s favorite fairytale? Sleeping Boo-ty.
• What is one room you won’t find in a ghost’s house? A living room.
• Why did the ghost go to the doctor? To get a booster shot.
• What did the ghost say when it fell? I got a boo boo.
• What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Ma-scare-a.
• When do ghosts like to go trick or treating? In the moaning.
• How do ghosts do their makeup? They use vanishing cream.
• What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
• Where do baby ghosts go while their parents work? Day-scare.
• What is a ghost’s favorite ride? A roller ghost-er.
• How does a ghost sneeze? Ah, ah, ah BOO! 

Halloween vampire jokes

• What kind of lock does Dracula have on his door? A dead bolt lock.
• What is a vampire’s favorite soup? Scream of tomato.
• What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
• Did you hear about the vampire who needed glasses? It was blind as a bat.
• Why did the vampire become an actor? He wanted a part he could really sink his teeth into.
• What is a vampire’s favorite candy? A sucker.
• Why did the vampire need mouthwash? He had bat breath.
• How do vampires flirt? They bat their eyes.
• What is a vampire’s favorite song? Another one bites the dust.
• What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
• Why are vampires like dentures? They come out at night.
• What is a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.
• Why are vampires easily fooled? They’re born suckers.
• Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.

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Halloween monster jokes

• What is a monster’s favorite snack food? Ghoul scout cookies.
• Where do werewolves buy their candy for trick or treaters? A were-house.
• How do monsters like their eggs? Terri-fried.
• Did you hear about the werewolf party? It was a howling success.
• What kind of vehicle does Frankenstein drive? A monster truck.
• What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music.
• Why doesn’t anyone tell mummy jokes? They get a bad wrap. 
• What kind of coffee do mummies drink? De-coffin-ated.
• Why don’t mummies have hobbies? They’re too wrapped up in work.
• What is a mummy’s favorite rock band? The Grateful Dead.
• Why was the mummy sent to jail? He ran a pyramid scheme.
• What is the dead’s favorite card game? Gin Mummy.
• Where do monsters go for a hike? Death valley.
• What type of monster loves to dance? The boogeyman.
• What do you do with a green monster? Wait until it’s ripe. 
• What do monsters eat with their sandwiches? Ghoulslaw.
• What is a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.

Halloween Zombie jokes

• How do zombies serve their country? In the Marine Corpse.
• Who won the zombie war? Nobody, it was a dead tie!
• Why did the zombie cross the road? He wanted to eat the chicken?
• Where do zombies go on cruises? The Dead-iterranean Sea!
• Why did the zombie stop eating breakfast? He didn’t want to be a cereal killer
• Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite
• How do zombies study for tests? They eat lots of brain food.
• What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman? Frostbite.
• What does it take to become a zombie? Dead-ication.
• What is black, white and dead all over? A zombie in a tuxedo.
• What is the safest place to be in a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
• What did the zombie say to his date? I love a woman with brains,
• How did the zombie greet his date? I’m dying to meet you.
• Why are zombies never arrested? They can never be taken alive.
• What is a zombie sleepover called? A mass grave.
• Why did the zombie eat an archer? It wanted the bone and marrow.
• What’s a zombie’s favorite type of bean? A human bean.
• What is a zombie’s favorite language? Latin, because it’s a dead language.
• What shampoo do zombies use? Head and shoulders?
• What is the worst animal to run into during a zombie apocalypse? A dead one,
• A lawyer, a doctor and a zombie walked into a bar. Three zombies walked out. 

Pumpkin jokes

• What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash. 
• Where do pumpkins hold meetings? In the gourdroom.
• How do pumpkins listen to music? On vine-yl.
• What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
• What do you call an athletic pumpkin? A jock-o-lantern.
• How do you repair a broken jack-o-lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
• How do you use a pumpkin to summon ghosts? With a Ouija gourd.
• What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out! 
• What’s a pumpkin’s favorite movie? Pulp Fiction.
• What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach? A life gourd. 
• Who helped the pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
• Why was the jack-o-lantern so forgetful? Because he’s empty-headed! 

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Other spooky jokes

• Why did the scarecrow fail as a standup comedian? All his jokes were corny.
• Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field.
• Who runs the haunted house for scarecrows? The first little pig. 
• What kind of bear has no teeth? A gummy bear.
• What do you call a cow that can’t moo? A Milk Dud.
• What do you call two married spiders? The newly webs.
• Why do spiders make good baseball players? They know how to catch flies.
• What kind of TV would you find in a haunted house? A wide scream one.
• Why did they keep a fence around the graveyard? Because everyone was dying to get in.
• What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baa.
• Who’s in charge of the candy corn? The kernel. 

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Halloween knock knock jokes

• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood.
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in!
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry! It’s almost Halloween.
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Philip. Philip who? Philip my bag with Halloween candy!
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Aida. Aida who? Aida lot of candy and now my tummy hurts.
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are?
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Diane. Diane who? Diane to meet you!
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Norway. Norway who? Norway I will leave until I get candy!
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candy. Candy who? Candy cow jump over the moon?
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me. 
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say zombie?
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candy. Candy who? Candy door open any slower?
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al give you a Kit Kat for a Milky Way.

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