How to talk to your family, friends about racism and white privilege this Juneteenth
The death of George Floyd in May 2020 sparked a widespread conversation about wider, historical issues of racial injustices across the United States — and the unprecedented events of 2020 to now, from the Capital insurrection to more tragic examples of police brutality, have kept that conversation going.
And the conversations about race and our nation’s history continues on Sunday, June 19, when Americans will observe the nation’s youngest federal holiday – Juneteenth, which became officially recognized last year by President Joe Biden.
The holiday commemorates the Emancipation Proclamation in the U.S. President Abraham Lincoln issued the proclamation to free enslaved African Americans in secessionist states on Jan. 1, 1863, but enslaved people in Galveston, Texas, would not learn of their freedom until two years later.
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How does someone, especially someone who’s white, start (or continue) a conversation with family and friends about racism and privilege?
In order to help get you started, USA TODAY spoke with experts to create this guide on best practices and important things to remember when engaging in this type of work.
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Starting a conversation about racism, privilege
State your intentions:
“State (your) intention clearly at the beginning of the conversation, so the person engaging with you is clear about the goals as well. That can help ensure that the conversation is as productive as possible,” Taylor said.
Remember that discomfort we talked about? Use that as a jumping off point.
Arnold says she often puts her vulnerability in front of the conversation.
“I will say, ‘I want to talk to you about something that I’m wrestling with, but I’m not quite sure why and it might make us uncomfortable, are you OK if we have that conversation?’ So instead of trying to compartmentalize the discomfort, spread it out. Let everybody know it’s coming,” she said.
Arnold says this is helpful for two reasons: The conversation is never as bad as people think it’s going to be if you preface it that way and it invites the other person to do the same.
Best practices during the conversation
Know your audience:
Jermaine Graves, a licensed clinical professional counselor based in Washington, D.C., says it’s helpful to use an angle that the other person has an interest in because it may help them to listen or understand.
“For example, if they’re into sports, maybe try to give an example that’s related to sports – maybe use sports as a metaphor to try to redirect the conversation,” she said. “(When) working with children or the younger generations, you may have to bring in toys or little props and things like that just to kind of help relay that information.”
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Shaming others:
“The first human response of preventing shame is defensiveness,” Arnold said. “So if you’re setting them up to take them down in front of five people, 25 people, there’s no way they hear you. They’re just in an ego-based survival mode.”
Arnold clarifies that this approach doesn’t pardon anyone who’s been out of line, citing Amy Cooper and Christian Cooper, a recent example of a white person unnecessarily calling the police on a Black person. “There are some circumstances that require immediate action,” she says.
Boyd added that shaming someone’s privilege isn’t the goal in these conversations.
“You having privilege in and of itself is not problematic, how you deal with people who don’t is the issue that we’re trying to deal with,” he explained.
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Interrupting:
Graves said that both sides of the conversation should “fully allow the person that’s speaking to get their points across without interruption.”
Stereotyping:
“I know sometimes we’re brought up with a lot of different biases and sometimes it’s really embedded or unconscious we may not necessarily know that we have a bias, but just trying to be aware of that when we are having those conversations,” Graves said.
Making it directly about them:
Boyd suggests phrasing like: “I’m not talking about you, I’m talking in general terms.”
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