How can I avoid divorcing my husband over our daughter’s education?

Question: “So my husband and I decided when my daughter was born that we were going to homeschool her because we didn’t like the public school systems where we live, but now I want change that plan and send her to public school. I work full time and my husband is a stay-at-home father. We have two children, a 6-year-old and a 10-month-old. My 6-year-old is now a first grader, and I feel like she is not learning like she should be. I am so stressed from work that I hardly have time to help her with homework when I get home. My husband is taking care of the baby all day and can’t help her either. 

Lately he’s been resorting to giving her ultimatums. For example, ‘If you don’t read a whole book by the end of the month you’re going to be in trouble.’ That’s going to make her hate learning. I’ve brought public school up once but he fought tooth and nail, arguing she is not going to a public school. I pointed out that we are both too busy to really help and are short-tempered with her when she doesn’t get certain subjects. I want to bring it up again, but I’m just afraid he’s going to yell and fight me on it again. I’ve even thought about going behind his back and putting her in school, but that would most likely end in divorce. Any advice on how to handle this situation?”

‘I’m in such a deep hole,’ and my marriage is suffering. What should I do?

By sending your daughter to public school, she may be given the opportunity to make friends with a diverse group of children, improve social skills, develop more independence and join extracurricular activities you and your husband can’t offer. This type of learning environment may also provide more structure and attention for your daughter, which if your husband is busy with your 10-month-old, he may not be able to provide. Additionally, I’m not sure of either of your educational backgrounds, but I personally feel that teaching is no easy task. By enrolling your daughter in a public school, she will be provided with the support of a teacher who has been trained to help children learn. 

My boyfriend refuses to divorce his ex unless I pay for it. Is this relationship worth saving?

I wouldn’t recommend going behind his back, and I suggest you avoid that as best you can. That being said, sometimes we have to make tough decisions and strongly advocate in the best interest of those we love and are responsible to care for. 

Morgan Absher is an occupational therapist in Los Angeles who hosts the podcast, “Two Hot Takes” where she and her co-hosts dish out advice. She writes a weekly column, sharing her advice with USA TODAY’s readers. Find her on TikTok @twohottakes and YouTube here. You can reach her by email at Mabsher@gannett.com or you can click here to share your story with her.

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