Stedman Graham explains why being with Oprah isn't hard: 'I want the best for her'

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USA TODAY

Some might be intimidated by being the romantic partner to a person so famous they’re known simply by his or her first name. Stedman Graham, boyfriend to Oprah Winfrey since the 1980s, does not appear to be one of these people. 

Graham, who lives near Ellen DeGeneres in Montecito, California, pays a neighborly visit to her talk show Friday. Although he was there to talk about his new book, “Identity Leadership: To Lead Others You Must First Lead Yourself,” released earlier this month, the conversation also touched on Graham’s relationship with his media powerhouse partner. 

“I think that relationships are difficult sometimes, and I think unless you really know yourself and feel confident in who you are, it would be very hard to be with someone like Oprah,” DeGeneres said.

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“The thing about our relationship is I want the best for her. So, I’m dedicated to her happiness, and so, that’s great for her,” Graham, 68, explained. “I want her to be the best she can possibly be, and she’s done a pretty good job of doing that.” 

He continued, “So, for me, I’ve been able to find my own happiness and to find my own skills, my own talents, my own abilities, and I’m satisfied with that. I’m happy with that. The combination – when you have a partner that’s able to self-actualize their potential, and you’re able to self-actualize yours, then you know, one, and one equals about six.”

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Winfrey told Vogue in 2017 that the two didn’t have conversations about getting married. 

“Nobody believes it, but it’s true,” she told the magazine. “The only time I brought it up was when I said to Stedman, ‘What would have happened if we had actually gotten married?’ And the answer is: ‘We wouldn’t be together.’ We would not have stayed together, because marriage requires a different way of being in this world.

She added, “His interpretation of what it means to be a husband and what it would mean for me to be a wife would have been pretty traditional and I would not have been able to fit into that.”

And although Winfrey has explicitly said she’s not interested in running for president, that didn’t stop DeGeneres from asking Graham what traits would make her a good one.

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